Issue 6: To All Future Adventures
One Piece, Resident Evil 2, and Endless Adventures
Letter From the Editor
I had what I thought would be a terrible day today. I had a small breakdown, I didn’t eat, I felt trapped in my own head, and I didn’t have a stellar day at work either. But something weird happened as I was driving back home: I had my sunroof open and I turned my music up so loud that all of my thoughts disappeared. And, while I attempted to ponder the day through the noise of Moulin Rouge’s Backstage Romance, I felt myself smile because I was so happy to be alive in that moment.
It’s been rough to say the least. Most of my writing I do in advance and I can just click the post button, but I’ve been down in the dumps this second half of March. It’s been up and down for me, an endless rollercoaster I just want to get off of. While the highs have been so high, the lows have been at their lowest. I really just want to talk about the media that’s been pulling me out of a dreadful slump and making me see the good in the world, because I feel like that’s what we all need right now. I would love to tell you guys that I’m thriving right now and I have everything in my life together, but I don’t. I was about to shelve this magazine in an attempt to feel like I had some extra time but I believe in sticking to your promises no matter what. That just so happens to be a recurring theme throughout these two pieces of media that have been saving me, and I’m excited to talk about them.
This issue is called To All Future Adventures because I am optimistic about what happens next. I’m rather superstitious and have a strong belief that everything bad must be counteracted with something good, and I think that will hold true to the perils of the past few months. In this one, I talk about the media that has kept me afloat: the endless adventures of One Piece, crushing my fears in Resident Evil 2, and many more adventures to come. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy.
Overanalyzing Fiction
Today I want to talk about One Piece.
Back in 2020 when anime was at its most popular, I was scared of One Piece. Currently standing at 1155 episodes, it was one of the longest anime I had ever known. I remember I had a friend tell me she was completely caught up in watching it and I was so impressed. When everything started to go downhill in March, Steel Ball Run’s first episode came out and I told my friend that it added ten years onto my life. For the first time in a while, I felt really truly happy. I remembered how anime used to make me feel like anything was possible and like I didn’t care what others thought of me. So, in an act of courage, I decided to watch the live action adaptation of One Piece. Now, I don’t know how I can ever go back.
All I knew about One Piece was that it was long, there were pirates, and Sanji existed. But hidden beneath the surface, One Piece is about chasing your dreams and keeping your promises. Luffy is, at first glance, your typical anime protagonist. He is overly happy all of the time until you realize that this is happening while his entire worldview is shattered again and again. Luffy thought that pirates were the good guys and that all of them were like Shanks, but he repeatedly runs into these horrible monsters who sail under the same name that he does. How can he call himself a pirate and be compared to the scum of the Earth? I was perplexed watching the show and watching Luffy count himself among the worst. The worst thing was that I wanted to be a pirate watching the show. The camaraderie, the neverending adventures, the community… I felt jealous of it all. Meanwhile all I could do was watch behind a screen while my goldfish brain tried to keep itself from wandering. I watched with tears in my eyes as Luffy understood the struggles of his crewmates and the people he ran into. I wondered if others thought I did the same, if I was the glue that could hold people together.
My therapist asked me whether I knew who I was. I thought it was a stupid question, because I am who those around me think I am. We are no better than what those around us think we are. Luffy will forever be seen as a horrible pirate first before being seen as a kind and understanding person. But watching One Piece, no matter how fictional or exaggerated it became, my mind started to be changed. I started thinking less about how others view me and more how I want to be. I wanted to be like this fictional character, I wanted to sail around the sea with friends I made. I always thought I was more of an Usopp. I’m scared of everything despite trying to tell myself that I am strong, and I let that hold me back from doing a lot of things. I’m scared of taking on too much and breaking, I’m scared that I’ll let others down no matter what I do, and I’m scared that I’ll never achieve my dream of being able to tell stories that really touch people. However, the beauty of One Piece lies in that no one is perfect. Luffy’s not perfect, Usopp isn’t perfect, and I’m not perfect either.
The live action adaptation of One Piece really made me think hard about myself and my life. I want adventures, I want to explore even when I’m scared, and I want change more than anything. I want to be able to put my foot on a barrel and proudly explain that I am going to tell stories that help lots of people. Until then, I’ll watch through my screen and read chapter after chapter of One Piece and live vicariously through them.
Experiment
This experiment was about challenging views of self through playing RE2.
I hate jumpscares so much I don’t watch horror movies or play any horror games. I remember when one of my friends asked me whether I wanted to play Dead by Daylight with him and I profusely said no. I can also recall refusing to watch another old friend play Five Nights at Freddy’s in front of me in fear of getting jumpscared. So, naturally, I bought the Resident Evil 2, 3, and 4 Remakes.
Since my month had been so terrible, I figured that this would just be a purchase that I would make and then never touch until I was ready. However, as soon as I opened Instagram I was greeted with a Leon Kennedy edit and decided that there is no time like the present. I booted up RE2 and grimaced as the creepy music started playing. I hate when the music is scary as well. In fact, I hated everything that happened in the first ten minutes of playing the game. I was horribly jumpscared by a zombie in the grocery store and almost started crying. I immediately regretted purchasing the game and shut it off.
In psychology there is probably a name for the phenomena when you repeatedly tell yourself something and it eventually comes true. Spending my entire life telling myself that I can’t do horror was finally coming to bite me in the ass. Or, more specifically, Leon Kennedy’s neck. Once again, my therapist told me to write down a list of adjectives that describe who I am rather than who others think I am. In a perpetual state of fear would probably be at the very top for me. So, in a brave act of saving money in therapy copays, I decided to tackle that negative view of myself by playing RE2.
It was rough at first, especially since I get engrossed in any media I consume. I gasped a lot with the Tyrant jumpscaring me, and I even gasped so loudly one time that my dog woke up from her sleep. But over time (when I reached Ada’s part in the sewers), I started to get a handle on things. I stopped being scared and I started being logical in the way I was thinking in the game and about myself. I wasn’t “in a perpetual state of fear” but I was worried about messing up. It was putting up a wall of perfection that was keeping me from enjoying horror movies, not my actual fear of them. There’s nothing more embarrassing to me than getting jumpscared in front of others. I need to laugh it off or cover it up or pretend that it was a mock gasp. But, in actuality, it’s not embarrassing at all. In fact, I should be glad I react to jumpscares because it means that I’m focused on what I’m doing.
Resident Evil 2 was kind of exposure therapy to me in the world of jumpscares. A game that I would never have played a year ago is slowly becoming one of my favorites. I learned that my perfection is actually deeper than I thought, but I also learned that my power actually lies in authentically reacting to the jumpscare rather than trying to act like I wasn’t surprised or scared.